Friday, June 17, 2011

The Best Boss in the World

The Best Boss in the World

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

The Ten Commandments Of Employment

The Ten Commandments Of Employment

If it rings, put it on hold.

If it clunks, call the repairman.

If it whistles, ignore it.

If it's a friend, stop work and chat.

If it's the boss, look busy.

If it talks, take notes.

If it's handwritten, type it.

if it's typed, copy it.

If it's copied, file it.

If it's Friday, forget it!

Microsoft vs. GM

Microsoft vs. GM

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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.


Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.


Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.


Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.


New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.


Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.


Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

My Computer Crashed And Died Today

My Computer Crashed And Died Today - poem

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My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, "oh well what the hey"
Now I'd have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse

It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL

Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail

Then I remembered the Good Guy's Store
And all those computers by the door
I'd go there and when alone
With no one looking I'd sign-on

I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound

Then I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye"
And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix

I ...slowly... typed... my... password... then...I... stood....and...waited
The darned thing said , "Goodbye" again and I got real frustrated
That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream

When I woke I was handcuffed being booked
I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink
Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Why a big salary won’t make you happy

Why a big salary won’t make you happy
by Jane Baker on 17 July 2010

Find out why having control over your finances is far more important than a fat pay cheque.

Happiness and self esteem are influenced by our sense of financial control and not what we earn. That’s according to the recent Feel-Good Insight study by Aviva which proves that money really doesn’t buy you happiness. In fact, people with a sensible financial plan in place are happier regardless of their salary.

The stats
The study revealed that 85% of people with high self esteem said they also felt in control of their finances. By contrast, 70% of those with low self esteem haven’t got to grips with their finances and no one in this particular group feels happy about their financial situation. Interestingly, the study revealed that 22% of people earning more than £50K suffer below average self esteem.

How do you take control of your finances?
If your finances are causing you stress, it’s time to do something about it. Quite simply, this means drawing up a good budget, identifying your financial goals and putting a plan in place to achieve them. Then, after you’ve done all that, all you need to do is keep an eye on your finances to make sure everything is ticking over nicely.

Draw up a budget
If you have no idea where your money goes or, you’re running short before pay day arrives you’ll need to take the budgeting bull by the horns. Everyone needs a budget regardless of how much they earn as this is the only way to guard against spending more than you should.

We tend to raise our spending aspirations the higher our income, so good budgeting is important even if you have a healthy salary. I can assure you that people with six figures earnings who haven’t accumulated any savings whatsoever are more common than you might realise.

Aviva’s study revealed that 42% of people with low self esteem fail to stick to a budget, but it’s easy to take control if you have the right tools at your disposal.

There are five simple steps to good budgeting. I’ll run through them briefly here, but read Five simple steps to good budgeting for more details.

The first step is to get together all your paper work including your bank statements, bills, credit card statements, pay slips and so on. Get into the habit of filing them away properly every time a new one arrives.

The next step is to start a spending diary where you simply record every single purchase you make. This will help you build up an initial picture of your spending behaviour. You may be surprised by the results.

After that, it’s time to make a list of your earnings and outgoings. This will immediately identify your surplus income which you can use a base figure to calculate a weekly or monthly spending budget once all your essential expenditure has been paid. If this exercise shows you have an income shortfall then you’ll need to make urgent cutbacks to avoid mounting debt.

And finally, if you have a surplus after you’ve worked out your regular budget, you should think about starting to save. You can choose a market-leading savings account at the lovemoney.com savings centre.

http://www.lovemoney.com/news/debt/improve-your-finances/5174/why-a-big-salary-wont-make-you-happy

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

TOP 10 Women's Watches - Most Popular 2011

TOP 10 Women's Watches - Most Popular 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0xfVMeS0Ds

Why You Should Carry Other People’s Business Cards With You

Why You Should Carry Other People’s Business Cards With You
Surely, if you are in business, you are in the habit of carrying your business cards with you wherever you go. After all, you never know who you will meet, and when you meet people, you never know who that person is or who that person might know. With a healthy stack of business cards in your pocket or pocketbook, you are always ready to pass the card along to someone who might become a future client or customer. But while most people in business know the benefits of carrying business cards with them, and practice this sound business practice without any problems, far fewer businessmen and businesswomen ever think to carry around business cards that belong to someone else. The practice of carrying around business cards that belong to others can be extremely beneficial; here are a couple reasons why.

As a businessperson, you understand that any conversations with strangers are golden. Every opportunity to talk to someone you do not know just might be the exact opportunity you have been looking for. But if a stranger thinks that you are starting a conversation with them strictly to sell them something, they are likely to be turned off. Naturally, people are protective of their money; they don’t want to talk to you if they think you’re trying to get some of their money in your pocket! But you have a pocket full of safe conversation starters at the ready when you have others’ business cards. Perhaps you will overhear someone in a shop in the mall, talking about how they need a plumber. With your favorite plumber’s business card stashed away in your wallet, you are ready to jump into the conversation. “Excuse me, but I heard you say you need a plumber; here, take this business card – it’s for the guy we use on our house; we have always been really happy with his work!” In this way, you have opened conversation without trying to sell them something of your own. The conversation is sure to cycle back around to you, and to what you do for a living.

Also, people are inclined to remember someone who helped them out without any promise of something in return. You are sure to unload one of your own business cards once the conversation comes back around to you. And you will have yourself a new customer the next time something arises in this person’s life that you might be able to help with.

This might seem like a small step in improving your business, but you never know what “small step” might turn into your next big thing.
http://www.makingmoneymaverick.com/?p=8

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Buy an MBA degree for Dh20,000...

Buy an MBA degree for Dh20,000...
UAE bustling market for fake degrees; Vice-Chancellor of top Indian university confirms scam exists
By Joseph GeorgePublished Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fake degrees, but real certificates.

A thriving illegal racket in the subcontinent – specifically India and Pakistan - has now spilt over into the UAE with all sorts of educational qualifications up for sale.

For as little as Dh20,000 one can buy an MBA degree certificate from India while, a graduate degree certificate will cost you only Dh5,000.

A diploma in a computer course is in demand and therefore, sells for Dh8,069.

Getting a job and a decent pay-scale in the UAE often hinges on the degrees one possesses – especially if one is from the subcontinent.

For a sales person, having an MBA could mean a salary increase of as much as Dh5,000.

A degree certificate also ensures better visa status and could be the difference between an expatriate getting a family visa or not.

Which is why, the UAE is a bustling market for these fake degrees.

What makes them so unique is that the certificates are actually issued by a real university. This is why attestation is also possible.

However, the buyer just pays up and has never attended the university or an exam.

The Vice-Chancellor of one of India's largest universities - in terms of student enrolment –confirmed to Emirates 24|7 that the scam exists, he is aware of the issue and that the Indian government is taking measures to curtail the practice.

“There are many cases involving various universities. We are aware of the problem and strict measures are being put in place,” Rajasekharan Pillai, Vice- Chancellor of India's Indira Gandhi National Open University said.

A salesman working in the hospitality industry here in the UAE told Emirates 24|7 how he has paid an Indian agent Dh10,000 for an MBA.

“They will ensure your name is on the college rolls you get your certificate. Sometimes the use distance education programmes, so it’s almost impossible to detect,” he says.

Tariq S (name changed), who until recently worked in a furniture store in Dubai says he managed to get a BBA degree in a similar way.

“I tried doing it on my own. I could not dedicate time to study nor write thee exams. Finally I paid up this agent in India and managed to get my degree,” he said.

According to him it is all carefully managed. “You are only accepted by an agent, provided you are referred by one of his earlier customers,” says Tariq.

Cops on the hunt

In June 2010 police in Bangalore, India, busted a major fake degree certificate racket.

Police later said the men used to sell fake degree certificates, mark sheets, and transfer certificates of various universities to students who had otherwise failed in their examinations.

Some of the beneficiaries were employed with multi- national companies, police claimed.

Also in 2010, two men were arrested by the police in Kerala, India, for supplying forged certificates to passport applicants. Police found and seized fake degree certificates of Kerala University and voter IDs.
Police said the fake certificates were being used to help the applicants get jobs abroad.

The Mumbai State Education Department on January 3, 2011, found at least five teachers used fake bachelor of education (BEd) and Bachelor of Arts (BA) degree certificates to secure jobs in schools.

Pakistan affected too

Pakistan too has launched a major investigation into alleged fake degrees submitted by several of its members of parliament.

According to a report by The News International, the Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP) last week expressed doubts over the eligibility of as many as 298 legislators, including Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi, Federal Law Minister Dr Babar Awan, Information Minister Qamar Zaman Kaira and Opposition Leader in the National Assembly Chaudhry Nisar Ali Khan.

The ECP doubted the lawmakers’ eligibility as they had failed to provide copies of their metric and intermediate certificates despite reminders, which impedes the process of verification of graduation degrees and educational certificates, as directed by the Supreme Court.

Destination UK

According to a report published by the UK's Daily Express last week, a large number of fake degree holders enter the UK every year to work as illegal workers.

The report, quoting MigrationWatch, says that almost 32,000 of the more than 250,000 foreign students arriving in the UK every year are bogus students as there are no interviews before a visa is issued and no checks are made on their departure.

“While student applications to the UK from Nepal increased by more than 1,000 per cent, those from Bangladesh increase by over 300 per cent, while those from India were up by 88 per cent. Since March 2009, 56 educational establishments have had their licences revoked for helping students breach visa laws,” the report added.

Possible answer

The Indian Ministry of Human Resource Development (MHRD) said the issuance of fake degree certificates and forgery of mark sheets could soon come to an end with the finalisation of proposals for dematerialising such certificates.

The ministry is considering request for proposals (RFPs) from two depositories – National Securities Depository Limited (NSDL) and Central Depository Services Limited (CDSL) – for running the project thereby establishing a national database of academic qualifications (degree/certificates from school to graduate/postgraduate level including professional degrees), that would be created and maintained in an electronic format by a registered depository.

All mark sheets and certificates will be dematerialised a data base will be maintained by the respective depositories.

http://www.emirates247.com/news/buy-an-mba-degree-for-dh20-000-2011-01-30-1.348764

Procure Fake Degree Certificates From Experts

Procure Fake Degree Certificates From Experts
By: Aidan Doyle


We live in an age where everything is done online. Internet has made finding and buying replicated certificates a hell lot easy. There are specialized companies that produce the desired high-quality documents by manipulating the contents and names of institutions electronically; all at a very fast pace.

Fake Degree companies offer credit for life experience in the form of Replicated Fake Degrees / Diplomas. Who wouldn't want a real credential for life experience? There are so many instances in the day-to-day life where people get associated with a particular work or function for a very long time despite the fact that they do not hold any qualification for the same. What if they get certified by getting a realistic qualification document? This is exactly the purpose behind the origin of fake degree companies.

There are some highly-established companies that offer superior quality custom replicated documents of all kinds. They have created a large number of templates that can be customized as per the customers unique requirements. Such companies are quite innovative in their approach and constantly strive to offer something new to their customers. Working in this line for many years, they have developed a true expertise in custom printing, and have started offering their services online. Relationship building is an important part of their work and they provide optimal level of customer service with the hopes that their customers will always count on them for any future printing, copying or replicating businesses.

Some of the important products they offer include:

Replicated Fake Degrees & Diplomas from most post-secondary institutions
Training certificates
GCSE, A-levels, High School Diploma Certificates
GMAT, MCAT, and LSAT Examination Certificates
Novelty Birth, Marriage, and Death Certificates
Novelty Passports and New Identity Packages
They have the widest selection of stock paper, and can replicate the latest in security measures, such as watermarks, raised-ink crests, security grade paper for transcripts, and embossing. All their replicated documents are designed to look 100% identical to the originals.

Customers can view samples of their work on their website to get a glimpse of how authentic these custom replicated documents appear. After they are satisfied, they can fill-in the custom request form online and submit their requirements, deadlines and specifications; the expert team of company professionals fulfill their request in no time.

So go ahead with earning a degree you feel you are worth of, and trust none other than the experts!


Read more: http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Procure-Fake-Degree-Certificates-From-Experts/1132069#ixzz1PCCt8Dds
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution No Derivatives

http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Procure-Fake-Degree-Certificates-From-Experts/1132069