Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Wealth, Success, and Love.
Wealth, Success, and Love.
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in- law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in- law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"
MY WISH FOR YOU...
LOVE.
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in- law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in- law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"
MY WISH FOR YOU...
LOVE.
Friday, February 24, 2012
ENHANCING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
ENHANCING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
By Ranjit Singh Malhi, Ph.D.
Introduction
Recent behavioural research has shown that emotional intelligence is an important determinant of success in both our personal and professional lives. Emotionally intelligent managers are adept at making their emotions work for them. They are able to handle their emotions in ways that enhance their work productivity and quality of life around them. They use their emotions intelligently to guide their thinking and behaviour. Emotions are strong mental or instinctive feelings such as love, fear, hope, anger and sadness.
On the other hand, there are numerous cases of smart managers with high IQ who behave stupidly in emotionally charged situations. The lack of emotional intelligence often results in their emotions working against them with unproductive outcomes. I once worked under a boss who often shouted abusive and vulgar words at his subordinates in public when overwhelmed with anger. He was also unappreciative and had poor interpersonal skills. Due to his low emotional intelligence, he was greatly disliked by most people in the organization.
Fortunately, our level of emotional intelligence is not fixed at birth. It can be learnt and enhanced. One can become more emotionally intelligent by learning and practising the skills of emotional intelligence.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
The term “emotional intelligence” was coined by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990. It was then greatly popularized by Daniel Goleman in his bestseller, Emotional Intelligence.
Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence in terms of being able to monitor and regulate one’s own and others’ feelings, and to use feelings to guide thought and action.1According to Goleman, emotional intelligence refers to “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”2
Simply put, emotional intelligence is the ability to handle emotions in a way that enhances your productivity, personal power and quality of life around you. It involves making your emotions work for you.
Origins of Emotional Intelligence
It can be argued that emotional intelligence is not entirely a new concept. It has its roots in the concept of “social intelligence” which was first identified by E. L. Thorndike in 1920. Social intelligence is essentially the ability to understand others (what motivates them, how they work and how to work cooperatively with them) and to act wisely in human relations.3
Self-awareness, empathy and handling interpersonal relationships which make up the core of emotional intelligence are essentially dimensions of social intelligence. The dimensions of emotional intelligence are also closely related to other concepts of psychological maturity, emotional awareness, empathic listening and assertiveness.
Importance of Emotional Intelligence
Latest research findings show that IQ takes second position to emotional intelligence in determining outstanding job performance. The highest estimate of how much difference IQ accounts for success at the workplace is about 25%. A more accurate figure may be no higher than 10%, and perhaps as low as 4%.4 Daniel Goleman sums up the importance of emotional intelligence as follows: “For star performance in all jobs, in every field, emotional competence is twice as important as purely cognitive abilities.”5 Examples of emotional competencies are self-confidence, self-motivation, persistence, adaptability, empathy and initiative.
At the workplace, there is increasing evidence that IQ gets people hired, but EQ gets them promoted. More careers have been damaged due to poor interpersonal relationships rather than a lack of technical knowhow. EQ also directly affects teamwork and productivity.
Research shows that the careers of many managers were derailed due to poor interpersonal relationships, failure to build and lead a team, and inability to change and adapt during a transition. They were generally perceived as being poor communicators, abusive, manipulative, overly critical and poor team players.6
Major Domains of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence consists essentially of five major domains:7
Self-awareness which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves observing oneself and recognizing a feeling as it happens; seeing the links between thoughts, feeling and reactions; seeing the consequences of alternative choices; recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses; and seeing oneself in a positive but realistic light.
Managing emotions which comprises handling emotions appropriately. It involves keeping one’s anger in check, adapting oneself to change, and taking responsibility for personal performance.
Self-motivation which is primarily chanelling emotions in the service of a goal, delaying gratification, and stifling impulses. It includes achievement drive, initiative, commitment and perseverance.
Empathy which is essentially being sensitive to other people’s feelings and concerns besides respecting differences in how people feel about things. It encompasses understanding others, assisting others in their personal development, and anticipating and meeting customers’ requirements.
Handling relationships which encompasses managing emotions in others and social competence. This domain is critical for developing effective leadership and interpersonal relationships. It includes being a good listener; being assertive rather than angry or passive; managing conflict constructively; and learning the art of cooperation.
Tips for Promoting Self-Awareness
* Take responsibility for your emotions and behaviour.
* Identify your true feelings that greatly influence your behaviour and interactions with other people.
* Recognise your strengths and weaknesses.
* Identify events and behaviour which normally trigger your emotions. For example, identify what kind of situations or events can trigger your anger and what are its early signs.
* Tune in to your senses to pick up information about yourself, other people and different situations.
* Monitor your general behaviour and assess its impact on other people.
Tips for Managing Your Emotions Productively
* Avoid being swept away by your emotions. Remember that you are primarily responsible for your emotions and thoughts.
* Use "I" messages to express your emotions. Examples are: "I feel unappreciated when you take me for granted" and "I feel unimportant when you are late for your appointments with me."
* Pick an appropriate time for expressing your emotions.
* State what bothers you clearly, calmly and courteously. Avoid generalising and don't bring up old grudges.
* Take deep breaths or a time-out to stay on top of your behavioural actions.
* Seek solutions to problems rather than focusing on who is to be blamed.
Tips for Motivating Yourself
* Maintain a positive attitude of "I can do it." Think success, not failure. Establish specific, realistic and time-bounded goals.
* Wake up happy. Start the day with positive thoughts.
* Practise positive self-talk. Talk about your winners.
* Don't worry about things beyond your control. Have faith in God and hope for the best.
* Never belittle yourself. Accept compliments with a "thank you" and a smile.
* Break down formidable tasks into smaller and manageable components.
* Dare to fail. View failures as lessons learnt.
* Maintain perseverance in the face of setbacks. Try out new approaches instead of getting demoralized.
* Maintain the company of nourishing people. Avoid negaholics and "toxic" people.
* Visualize yourself undertaking challenging tasks successfully.
Tips for Empathizing with Others and Enhancing Social Competence
* Treat everyone with respect and dignity. Make them feel important. Remember and use other people's names.
* Be empathetic. Always try to see the other person's point of view. Try to understand why others feel the way they do.
* Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. Listen attentively with the purpose of understanding what is being said. Maintain eye contact and resist distractions.
* Make others feel good about themselves by giving them sincere, specific and timely praise.
* Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly and politely. Avoid making sarcastic remarks.
* Speak positively of others or not at all.
* Assist others in their growth and development. Share ideas, skills, experiences and pertinent information.
* Avoid personal attacks. Learn to make specific complaints by focusing on the undesirable behaviour of an individual.
* Admit your mistakes. Apologize sincerely and take the necessary steps to correct your behaviour.
* Seek out the good in others and accept them as they are.
* Ignore minor irritations and trivial issues.
* Create "win-win" relationships. Seek mutual benefit in all human interactions.
Notes
1. Cited in Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1998), p. 317.
2. Ibid.
3. See Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1995), pp. 45-46.
4. Cited in Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, p. 19.
5. Ibid., p. 34.
6. Cited in Robert Kreitner, Management (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1998), pp. 5-6.
7. The five major domains of emotional intelligence are based on the model proposed by Salovey and Mayer. See Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, pp. 46-47.
http://www.tqm.com.my/web/05_bookArticle_12.html
By Ranjit Singh Malhi, Ph.D.
Introduction
Recent behavioural research has shown that emotional intelligence is an important determinant of success in both our personal and professional lives. Emotionally intelligent managers are adept at making their emotions work for them. They are able to handle their emotions in ways that enhance their work productivity and quality of life around them. They use their emotions intelligently to guide their thinking and behaviour. Emotions are strong mental or instinctive feelings such as love, fear, hope, anger and sadness.
On the other hand, there are numerous cases of smart managers with high IQ who behave stupidly in emotionally charged situations. The lack of emotional intelligence often results in their emotions working against them with unproductive outcomes. I once worked under a boss who often shouted abusive and vulgar words at his subordinates in public when overwhelmed with anger. He was also unappreciative and had poor interpersonal skills. Due to his low emotional intelligence, he was greatly disliked by most people in the organization.
Fortunately, our level of emotional intelligence is not fixed at birth. It can be learnt and enhanced. One can become more emotionally intelligent by learning and practising the skills of emotional intelligence.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
The term “emotional intelligence” was coined by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990. It was then greatly popularized by Daniel Goleman in his bestseller, Emotional Intelligence.
Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence in terms of being able to monitor and regulate one’s own and others’ feelings, and to use feelings to guide thought and action.1According to Goleman, emotional intelligence refers to “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”2
Simply put, emotional intelligence is the ability to handle emotions in a way that enhances your productivity, personal power and quality of life around you. It involves making your emotions work for you.
Origins of Emotional Intelligence
It can be argued that emotional intelligence is not entirely a new concept. It has its roots in the concept of “social intelligence” which was first identified by E. L. Thorndike in 1920. Social intelligence is essentially the ability to understand others (what motivates them, how they work and how to work cooperatively with them) and to act wisely in human relations.3
Self-awareness, empathy and handling interpersonal relationships which make up the core of emotional intelligence are essentially dimensions of social intelligence. The dimensions of emotional intelligence are also closely related to other concepts of psychological maturity, emotional awareness, empathic listening and assertiveness.
Importance of Emotional Intelligence
Latest research findings show that IQ takes second position to emotional intelligence in determining outstanding job performance. The highest estimate of how much difference IQ accounts for success at the workplace is about 25%. A more accurate figure may be no higher than 10%, and perhaps as low as 4%.4 Daniel Goleman sums up the importance of emotional intelligence as follows: “For star performance in all jobs, in every field, emotional competence is twice as important as purely cognitive abilities.”5 Examples of emotional competencies are self-confidence, self-motivation, persistence, adaptability, empathy and initiative.
At the workplace, there is increasing evidence that IQ gets people hired, but EQ gets them promoted. More careers have been damaged due to poor interpersonal relationships rather than a lack of technical knowhow. EQ also directly affects teamwork and productivity.
Research shows that the careers of many managers were derailed due to poor interpersonal relationships, failure to build and lead a team, and inability to change and adapt during a transition. They were generally perceived as being poor communicators, abusive, manipulative, overly critical and poor team players.6
Major Domains of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence consists essentially of five major domains:7
Self-awareness which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves observing oneself and recognizing a feeling as it happens; seeing the links between thoughts, feeling and reactions; seeing the consequences of alternative choices; recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses; and seeing oneself in a positive but realistic light.
Managing emotions which comprises handling emotions appropriately. It involves keeping one’s anger in check, adapting oneself to change, and taking responsibility for personal performance.
Self-motivation which is primarily chanelling emotions in the service of a goal, delaying gratification, and stifling impulses. It includes achievement drive, initiative, commitment and perseverance.
Empathy which is essentially being sensitive to other people’s feelings and concerns besides respecting differences in how people feel about things. It encompasses understanding others, assisting others in their personal development, and anticipating and meeting customers’ requirements.
Handling relationships which encompasses managing emotions in others and social competence. This domain is critical for developing effective leadership and interpersonal relationships. It includes being a good listener; being assertive rather than angry or passive; managing conflict constructively; and learning the art of cooperation.
Tips for Promoting Self-Awareness
* Take responsibility for your emotions and behaviour.
* Identify your true feelings that greatly influence your behaviour and interactions with other people.
* Recognise your strengths and weaknesses.
* Identify events and behaviour which normally trigger your emotions. For example, identify what kind of situations or events can trigger your anger and what are its early signs.
* Tune in to your senses to pick up information about yourself, other people and different situations.
* Monitor your general behaviour and assess its impact on other people.
Tips for Managing Your Emotions Productively
* Avoid being swept away by your emotions. Remember that you are primarily responsible for your emotions and thoughts.
* Use "I" messages to express your emotions. Examples are: "I feel unappreciated when you take me for granted" and "I feel unimportant when you are late for your appointments with me."
* Pick an appropriate time for expressing your emotions.
* State what bothers you clearly, calmly and courteously. Avoid generalising and don't bring up old grudges.
* Take deep breaths or a time-out to stay on top of your behavioural actions.
* Seek solutions to problems rather than focusing on who is to be blamed.
Tips for Motivating Yourself
* Maintain a positive attitude of "I can do it." Think success, not failure. Establish specific, realistic and time-bounded goals.
* Wake up happy. Start the day with positive thoughts.
* Practise positive self-talk. Talk about your winners.
* Don't worry about things beyond your control. Have faith in God and hope for the best.
* Never belittle yourself. Accept compliments with a "thank you" and a smile.
* Break down formidable tasks into smaller and manageable components.
* Dare to fail. View failures as lessons learnt.
* Maintain perseverance in the face of setbacks. Try out new approaches instead of getting demoralized.
* Maintain the company of nourishing people. Avoid negaholics and "toxic" people.
* Visualize yourself undertaking challenging tasks successfully.
Tips for Empathizing with Others and Enhancing Social Competence
* Treat everyone with respect and dignity. Make them feel important. Remember and use other people's names.
* Be empathetic. Always try to see the other person's point of view. Try to understand why others feel the way they do.
* Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. Listen attentively with the purpose of understanding what is being said. Maintain eye contact and resist distractions.
* Make others feel good about themselves by giving them sincere, specific and timely praise.
* Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly and politely. Avoid making sarcastic remarks.
* Speak positively of others or not at all.
* Assist others in their growth and development. Share ideas, skills, experiences and pertinent information.
* Avoid personal attacks. Learn to make specific complaints by focusing on the undesirable behaviour of an individual.
* Admit your mistakes. Apologize sincerely and take the necessary steps to correct your behaviour.
* Seek out the good in others and accept them as they are.
* Ignore minor irritations and trivial issues.
* Create "win-win" relationships. Seek mutual benefit in all human interactions.
Notes
1. Cited in Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1998), p. 317.
2. Ibid.
3. See Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1995), pp. 45-46.
4. Cited in Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, p. 19.
5. Ibid., p. 34.
6. Cited in Robert Kreitner, Management (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1998), pp. 5-6.
7. The five major domains of emotional intelligence are based on the model proposed by Salovey and Mayer. See Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, pp. 46-47.
http://www.tqm.com.my/web/05_bookArticle_12.html
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Saturday, December 4, 2010
6 Reasons To Put Love Before Your Career
6 Reasons To Put Love Before Your Career
One man's take on having it all: career, love, family, and success.
By Brian Fairbanks May 20, 2010
Back in February, YourTango contributor John Bowe posted a piece called "Work vs. Love: A Man's Case for Putting Work First," arguing that it's best for us all to go solo until we've made a living, regardless of how it hurts our romantic prospects in the meantime.
As a fellow (male) writer, I'd like to contend that he's dead wrong. Love doesn't have to interfere with your career; it can actually support it. YourTango reader BookMama asked Bowe, "What if you have more than one dream in life: a partner who loves you, children, and writing or whatever your career is?" My answer would be: Pursue them all, all at once. Here's why:
1. Relationships don't interfere with your career; dating does
In my experience, it's dating that gets in the way of writers and other ambitious people. Dating can become a serious time suck if you're doing it remotely right and going out at least once a week. The phone calls, the IMs, the discussions with friends—it all adds up to a good deal of work and greatly reduces the ability for career people to focus on their professional lives.
Personally, getting past the constant going-out-and-meeting-people and arriving at the one-person-only relationship phase is integral to my concentration and momentum as a writer.
The bottom line is, if someone truly cares for you, they will understand when your projects are more important than your plans to take them to tango class. (A simple "The money I'm making from this design will help pay for next semester lessons, I promise" certainly helps.) The New Way To Have It All: First Baby, Then Love
2. Living with someone and being creative is better than living alone and being creative
Picture this scenario: you're working on a long-term project that's taking up all your time and energy. You have no significant other at the time and are too busy to date. You sink into depression and become easily distracted while the deadline looms. If you had a boyfriend who came over and brought you takeout, wouldn't that help turn things around?
Your girlfriend or boyfriend can talk you through tough creative patches or keep on your case to apply for a fellowship you're being pessimistic about. Sure, building a career and a marriage ended in disastrous results for greats like Sylvia Plath and Norman Mailer, but it wasn't the writing that caused those relationships to collapse. If you are going to fall in love, why hold back in favor of your career when your Facebook page is about to have its first fan?
3. Marriage won't distract you
The main issue I have with Bowe's perspective is the idea that a dream would have to be shoved aside to let someone else join the team. If a marriage involving a creative person is going to work, both partners need to support—not hinder—each other. The couples whose dreams of glory fall by the wayside are probably made up of people who would have given up sooner or later anyway.
As for Bowe's worry that marriage equals having kids, who are obviously going to greatly diminish your "me" time, I've found that ambitious people tend to find a way to get things done between diapers or parent-teacher conferences; they're going to make it no matter what "gets in the way." Why I Chose To Be Unmarried And Childless
4. There's a reason "richer or poorer" is in those marriage vows
Considering the stiff competition and difficulty of having long-term success in artistic careers, it's good to remember that, like many of the best things in life, love isn't about money. It's about sticking with people, regardless of whether they ever make it, and being grateful that at least you're together and working through it.
5. Do we really have a choice?
Bowe says he recently fell in love for the first time in 15 years. I want to know: Would he have changed his views on love vs. career if he had met someone undeniably special along the way, or if he hadn't lucked into love now that he's decided he's ready?
To look at it another way, everyone falls into a Jennifer Aniston-sized love rut once in a while, and that is the time to focus on other things like family, the debt situation, and maybe changing jobs or cities. But to give up entirely on dating and focusing only on the career until you're 45—is that even possible? Love doesn't care if you're working on a novel or done with a screenplay and now looking for love. You can't force it, so there's no point in saying, "I'm just going to pretend not to have feelings until I'm well-established."
6. Long-term outlook
I agree with Bowe that it's extremely difficult to create a career as an artist with kids—especially without the dough to go out and schmooze while Mary Poppins does the tutoring. In fact, it's hard enough to make a living as a writer being single and not dating at all. But even if he's right, if being alone does make it easier—is that what we really want? To wake up at 45 with successful careers after ten or twenty years of being alone? I, for one, would rather strive for balance. And then if I do achieve success, there will be someone there to celebrate with.
http://www.yourtango.com/201069923/6-reasons-put-love-before-career/page/3
One man's take on having it all: career, love, family, and success.
By Brian Fairbanks May 20, 2010
Back in February, YourTango contributor John Bowe posted a piece called "Work vs. Love: A Man's Case for Putting Work First," arguing that it's best for us all to go solo until we've made a living, regardless of how it hurts our romantic prospects in the meantime.
As a fellow (male) writer, I'd like to contend that he's dead wrong. Love doesn't have to interfere with your career; it can actually support it. YourTango reader BookMama asked Bowe, "What if you have more than one dream in life: a partner who loves you, children, and writing or whatever your career is?" My answer would be: Pursue them all, all at once. Here's why:
1. Relationships don't interfere with your career; dating does
In my experience, it's dating that gets in the way of writers and other ambitious people. Dating can become a serious time suck if you're doing it remotely right and going out at least once a week. The phone calls, the IMs, the discussions with friends—it all adds up to a good deal of work and greatly reduces the ability for career people to focus on their professional lives.
Personally, getting past the constant going-out-and-meeting-people and arriving at the one-person-only relationship phase is integral to my concentration and momentum as a writer.
The bottom line is, if someone truly cares for you, they will understand when your projects are more important than your plans to take them to tango class. (A simple "The money I'm making from this design will help pay for next semester lessons, I promise" certainly helps.) The New Way To Have It All: First Baby, Then Love
2. Living with someone and being creative is better than living alone and being creative
Picture this scenario: you're working on a long-term project that's taking up all your time and energy. You have no significant other at the time and are too busy to date. You sink into depression and become easily distracted while the deadline looms. If you had a boyfriend who came over and brought you takeout, wouldn't that help turn things around?
Your girlfriend or boyfriend can talk you through tough creative patches or keep on your case to apply for a fellowship you're being pessimistic about. Sure, building a career and a marriage ended in disastrous results for greats like Sylvia Plath and Norman Mailer, but it wasn't the writing that caused those relationships to collapse. If you are going to fall in love, why hold back in favor of your career when your Facebook page is about to have its first fan?
3. Marriage won't distract you
The main issue I have with Bowe's perspective is the idea that a dream would have to be shoved aside to let someone else join the team. If a marriage involving a creative person is going to work, both partners need to support—not hinder—each other. The couples whose dreams of glory fall by the wayside are probably made up of people who would have given up sooner or later anyway.
As for Bowe's worry that marriage equals having kids, who are obviously going to greatly diminish your "me" time, I've found that ambitious people tend to find a way to get things done between diapers or parent-teacher conferences; they're going to make it no matter what "gets in the way." Why I Chose To Be Unmarried And Childless
4. There's a reason "richer or poorer" is in those marriage vows
Considering the stiff competition and difficulty of having long-term success in artistic careers, it's good to remember that, like many of the best things in life, love isn't about money. It's about sticking with people, regardless of whether they ever make it, and being grateful that at least you're together and working through it.
5. Do we really have a choice?
Bowe says he recently fell in love for the first time in 15 years. I want to know: Would he have changed his views on love vs. career if he had met someone undeniably special along the way, or if he hadn't lucked into love now that he's decided he's ready?
To look at it another way, everyone falls into a Jennifer Aniston-sized love rut once in a while, and that is the time to focus on other things like family, the debt situation, and maybe changing jobs or cities. But to give up entirely on dating and focusing only on the career until you're 45—is that even possible? Love doesn't care if you're working on a novel or done with a screenplay and now looking for love. You can't force it, so there's no point in saying, "I'm just going to pretend not to have feelings until I'm well-established."
6. Long-term outlook
I agree with Bowe that it's extremely difficult to create a career as an artist with kids—especially without the dough to go out and schmooze while Mary Poppins does the tutoring. In fact, it's hard enough to make a living as a writer being single and not dating at all. But even if he's right, if being alone does make it easier—is that what we really want? To wake up at 45 with successful careers after ten or twenty years of being alone? I, for one, would rather strive for balance. And then if I do achieve success, there will be someone there to celebrate with.
http://www.yourtango.com/201069923/6-reasons-put-love-before-career/page/3
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Love Wealth Success
Love Wealth Success
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"
Monday, August 16, 2010
Why you should live like a bloke
Why you should live like a bloke
ADOPTING a few of your man's lifestyle philosophies could actually make you happier, healthier and even thinner.
They drink beer, play footy and can pass an evening in each other’s company without exchanging more than 10 words.
While women are usually overly stressed, juggling numerous roles and constantly dieting, men are generally quite happy with their lot – even if the washing hasn’t been put away and the vacuuming hasn’t been done. We look at how women could benefit from a bit of “bloke health”.
Join a team sport to alleviate worry
Most women give up on participating in team sports once they’ve left school and usually join a gym instead, says psychologist Lydia Ievleva from Sydney.
“Yet men don’t really consider their weekly game a workout: it’s a social event for them,” she says.
Being part of a team can help a woman’s health emotionally and physically. According to the University of Copenhagen, women who participated in soccer became less self-focused and more team-oriented.
Any team sport will do. “When we’re stressed, we experience an increase in the hormone oxytocin, which also increases our need for comfort and friendship,” says Ievleva. “When women are stressed, they tend to isolate themselves, rather than seeking support. Any sport which involves friendship will help women feel less alone, rather than languishing in their worries.”
Stop cleaning up and stress less
Ever noticed how men will ignore the mess and read the Sunday papers instead? It’s not that they’re lazy, it’s because they’re not focused on a specific household task at the time, says wellness coach Fiona Cosgrove.
“Women tend to view keeping a clean and tidy home as one of their main tasks of the day, compared with men’s priority of doing outdoor tasks,” she says. “Women don’t need to take everything on their shoulders, but they may need to learn how to ask for help without it coming across as nagging.”
Cosgrove suggests getting into the habit of saying, “What I would like is…” rather than “You never help out”, which puts the other person on the defensive. And be sure to give a reason. “This will appeal to men’s logical and cognitive way of thinking. Ultimately, try to avoid the blame game.”
Trust your own decisions and simplify your life
How often do you hear a man confiding in their friends? Never, right? It may drive women mad, but men’s tendency to keep their emotions close to their chest may not be such a bad thing. A study at Columbia University’s Teachers College found that those who kept their emotions in check were better adjusted and became less distressed by events.
According to Melbourne-based psychologist Dr Elizabeth Celi, women process their thoughts and problems externally and bring in as many opinions as they can, getting lost in too many details. Men, on the other hand, process internally and weigh up the facts with less emotional “contamination”.
“They get to the point, keep it real and keep it simple,” says Dr Celi.
Next time you’re in a conundrum, try mulling the problem over for a while yourself, without asking your friends’ opinions.
“You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll come to a decision,” says Dr Celi.
Do one thing at a time and be more productive
While women simultaneously iron, cook dinner and talk on the phone, men focus on doing one job at a time, which can drive women to distraction.
According to research from the University of California, this is because the area connecting the right part of the brain to the left is thicker in women, allowing more ideas to flow.
Dr Celi says men set boundaries and focus completely on the task at hand. “They’ll reach a resolution quickly, with time left over for the next task,” she says. “For some women, combining multi-tasking with a superwoman mentality is a recipe for going mad!”
In order to get things done, men and women should try to work together. “Women’s contextual awareness and multi-tasking tendencies can complement a man’s pinpointed processing and focused decision-making, to achieve combined goals,” says Dr Celi.
Lose the guilt about food and eat better
“If a man needs to lose weight he’ll cut down on what he eats, but he probably won’t consider himself to be ‘dieting’,” says Dr Tim Gill, principal research fellow and scientific programs manager at the Boden Institute of Obesity, Nutrition and Exercise at the University of Sydney.
“If a man has a day when he eats too much, he’ll probably shrug and begin his eating plan again the next day. Whereas women tend to feel that they’ve ruined their chances at weight loss if they ‘slip up’.”
Instead of lamenting that lamington, “just get back to your routine as soon as possible”.
Stop emotional eating to lose weight
Blame our hormones or the kids, but women eat three times more sweets than men. A Cornell University study found women eat sweet treats if they’re feeling down, whereas men tuck into a piece of steak. Therein lies the secret.
“Steak is protein, so you feel fuller for longer,” says Dr Gill. “Anything sugary will just spike your insulin levels, leading to abdominal fat, an unsatisfied appetite and excess kilojoule intake.”
Our hormones are also responsible for emotional eating. “The menstrual cycle does drive women to the bread bin, so you become a slave to carbohydrates to improve your mood,” says Dr Gill. He suggests sticking to three meals a day and banishing tempting treats from the house. “If you need an emotional pick-me-up, exercise is a better solution,” he says.
Commit to a goal and achieve more
Been trying to give up smoking or start exercising? If you’re a man you’re more likely to achieve your goals. In a study reported in the American Journal Of Health Behavior, men are more likely to adopt healthy changes as permanent habits.
“This may be because when a man commits to a goal, he’ll stick to it, whereas women tend to find excuses to put off lifestyle changes,” says Dr Gill.
“Write down your health goals,” says Cosgrove. “Lists appeal to a woman’s sense of responsibility, so you’ll be more likely to follow through.”
Work the weights to maintain muscle
“We’re not just getting fatter, we’re becoming less muscular,” says Dr Tim Gill.
Maintaining muscle mass is important to keep you slim, as well as preventing osteoporosis and type 2 diabetes. “As you get older, maintaining muscle mass helps to keep you stable, prevent falls and keep you mobile for longer.”
For women wanting to increase their muscle tone, it’s not necessary to lift dumbbells at the gym. “Using your own body weight is ideal,” says Dr Gill. “Try sit-ups, push-ups and hill or stair walking to build your muscle mass.”
Source: FUN emails / Dr Gill
ADOPTING a few of your man's lifestyle philosophies could actually make you happier, healthier and even thinner.
They drink beer, play footy and can pass an evening in each other’s company without exchanging more than 10 words.
While women are usually overly stressed, juggling numerous roles and constantly dieting, men are generally quite happy with their lot – even if the washing hasn’t been put away and the vacuuming hasn’t been done. We look at how women could benefit from a bit of “bloke health”.
Join a team sport to alleviate worry
Most women give up on participating in team sports once they’ve left school and usually join a gym instead, says psychologist Lydia Ievleva from Sydney.
“Yet men don’t really consider their weekly game a workout: it’s a social event for them,” she says.
Being part of a team can help a woman’s health emotionally and physically. According to the University of Copenhagen, women who participated in soccer became less self-focused and more team-oriented.
Any team sport will do. “When we’re stressed, we experience an increase in the hormone oxytocin, which also increases our need for comfort and friendship,” says Ievleva. “When women are stressed, they tend to isolate themselves, rather than seeking support. Any sport which involves friendship will help women feel less alone, rather than languishing in their worries.”
Stop cleaning up and stress less
Ever noticed how men will ignore the mess and read the Sunday papers instead? It’s not that they’re lazy, it’s because they’re not focused on a specific household task at the time, says wellness coach Fiona Cosgrove.
“Women tend to view keeping a clean and tidy home as one of their main tasks of the day, compared with men’s priority of doing outdoor tasks,” she says. “Women don’t need to take everything on their shoulders, but they may need to learn how to ask for help without it coming across as nagging.”
Cosgrove suggests getting into the habit of saying, “What I would like is…” rather than “You never help out”, which puts the other person on the defensive. And be sure to give a reason. “This will appeal to men’s logical and cognitive way of thinking. Ultimately, try to avoid the blame game.”
Trust your own decisions and simplify your life
How often do you hear a man confiding in their friends? Never, right? It may drive women mad, but men’s tendency to keep their emotions close to their chest may not be such a bad thing. A study at Columbia University’s Teachers College found that those who kept their emotions in check were better adjusted and became less distressed by events.
According to Melbourne-based psychologist Dr Elizabeth Celi, women process their thoughts and problems externally and bring in as many opinions as they can, getting lost in too many details. Men, on the other hand, process internally and weigh up the facts with less emotional “contamination”.
“They get to the point, keep it real and keep it simple,” says Dr Celi.
Next time you’re in a conundrum, try mulling the problem over for a while yourself, without asking your friends’ opinions.
“You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll come to a decision,” says Dr Celi.
Do one thing at a time and be more productive
While women simultaneously iron, cook dinner and talk on the phone, men focus on doing one job at a time, which can drive women to distraction.
According to research from the University of California, this is because the area connecting the right part of the brain to the left is thicker in women, allowing more ideas to flow.
Dr Celi says men set boundaries and focus completely on the task at hand. “They’ll reach a resolution quickly, with time left over for the next task,” she says. “For some women, combining multi-tasking with a superwoman mentality is a recipe for going mad!”
In order to get things done, men and women should try to work together. “Women’s contextual awareness and multi-tasking tendencies can complement a man’s pinpointed processing and focused decision-making, to achieve combined goals,” says Dr Celi.
Lose the guilt about food and eat better
“If a man needs to lose weight he’ll cut down on what he eats, but he probably won’t consider himself to be ‘dieting’,” says Dr Tim Gill, principal research fellow and scientific programs manager at the Boden Institute of Obesity, Nutrition and Exercise at the University of Sydney.
“If a man has a day when he eats too much, he’ll probably shrug and begin his eating plan again the next day. Whereas women tend to feel that they’ve ruined their chances at weight loss if they ‘slip up’.”
Instead of lamenting that lamington, “just get back to your routine as soon as possible”.
Stop emotional eating to lose weight
Blame our hormones or the kids, but women eat three times more sweets than men. A Cornell University study found women eat sweet treats if they’re feeling down, whereas men tuck into a piece of steak. Therein lies the secret.
“Steak is protein, so you feel fuller for longer,” says Dr Gill. “Anything sugary will just spike your insulin levels, leading to abdominal fat, an unsatisfied appetite and excess kilojoule intake.”
Our hormones are also responsible for emotional eating. “The menstrual cycle does drive women to the bread bin, so you become a slave to carbohydrates to improve your mood,” says Dr Gill. He suggests sticking to three meals a day and banishing tempting treats from the house. “If you need an emotional pick-me-up, exercise is a better solution,” he says.
Commit to a goal and achieve more
Been trying to give up smoking or start exercising? If you’re a man you’re more likely to achieve your goals. In a study reported in the American Journal Of Health Behavior, men are more likely to adopt healthy changes as permanent habits.
“This may be because when a man commits to a goal, he’ll stick to it, whereas women tend to find excuses to put off lifestyle changes,” says Dr Gill.
“Write down your health goals,” says Cosgrove. “Lists appeal to a woman’s sense of responsibility, so you’ll be more likely to follow through.”
Work the weights to maintain muscle
“We’re not just getting fatter, we’re becoming less muscular,” says Dr Tim Gill.
Maintaining muscle mass is important to keep you slim, as well as preventing osteoporosis and type 2 diabetes. “As you get older, maintaining muscle mass helps to keep you stable, prevent falls and keep you mobile for longer.”
For women wanting to increase their muscle tone, it’s not necessary to lift dumbbells at the gym. “Using your own body weight is ideal,” says Dr Gill. “Try sit-ups, push-ups and hill or stair walking to build your muscle mass.”
Source: FUN emails / Dr Gill
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Saturday, November 7, 2009
December 2009 Gatherings by Camelia
December 2009 Gatherings by Camelia
"Came" means Business Networking (referral business/business gathering)
"SG" means Social Gatherings (make new friends)
Came 182
10 December 2009 (Thurs)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Old Town White Coffee,Pavillion Mall,Jalan Bukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.
Came 183
11 December 2009 (Fri)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue : Old Town White Coffee, Taman Midah, Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Came 184
17 December 2009 (Thurs)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Pappa Rich,Uptown Damansara, Damansara Utama,SS21, Petaling Jaya,Selangor,Malaysia
Came 185
18 December 2009 (Fri)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: A & W Restoran, 1 Utama Shopping Mall, Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia
Came 186
20 December 2009 (Sun)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: Wendy's, Jaya One, Jalan University, Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia.
Came 187
20 December 2009 (Sun)
Time: 7pm to 9pm
Venue: Old Town White Coffee,Sg Wang Plaza Shopping Mall,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.
Came 188
21 December 2009 (Mon)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Teh Tarik Place, The Curve Shopping Mall,Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia.
Came 189
23 December 2009 (Wed)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Starbuck,Menara Weld,Jalan Raja Chulan,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia
Came 190
25 December 2009 (Fri)
Time:3pm to 5pm
Venue: Kluang Satation,Ikano Shopping Mall, Petaling Jaya,Selangor, Malaysia
Came 191
26 December 2009 (Sat)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: Sri Melaka Restoran, Jalan Tun Mohd Fuad, Taman Tun Dr Ismail,60000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Pls Call /SMS to confirm the date/place/time.
Please give me time to reserve a seat for you.
Do not be LAST MINUTE.
I will not entertain you.
You may bring your friends or bosses or spouse.
PLEASE BE PUNCTUAL, Thank you!!
Mobile : 6-016-9795515
Love Camelia
Malaysian Chinese lady
"Came" means Business Networking (referral business/business gathering)
"SG" means Social Gatherings (make new friends)
Came 182
10 December 2009 (Thurs)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Old Town White Coffee,Pavillion Mall,Jalan Bukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.
Came 183
11 December 2009 (Fri)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue : Old Town White Coffee, Taman Midah, Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Came 184
17 December 2009 (Thurs)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Pappa Rich,Uptown Damansara, Damansara Utama,SS21, Petaling Jaya,Selangor,Malaysia
Came 185
18 December 2009 (Fri)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: A & W Restoran, 1 Utama Shopping Mall, Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia
Came 186
20 December 2009 (Sun)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: Wendy's, Jaya One, Jalan University, Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia.
Came 187
20 December 2009 (Sun)
Time: 7pm to 9pm
Venue: Old Town White Coffee,Sg Wang Plaza Shopping Mall,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.
Came 188
21 December 2009 (Mon)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Teh Tarik Place, The Curve Shopping Mall,Petaling Jaya, Selangor,Malaysia.
Came 189
23 December 2009 (Wed)
Time: 8pm to 10pm
Venue: Starbuck,Menara Weld,Jalan Raja Chulan,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia
Came 190
25 December 2009 (Fri)
Time:3pm to 5pm
Venue: Kluang Satation,Ikano Shopping Mall, Petaling Jaya,Selangor, Malaysia
Came 191
26 December 2009 (Sat)
Time: 3pm to 5pm
Venue: Sri Melaka Restoran, Jalan Tun Mohd Fuad, Taman Tun Dr Ismail,60000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Pls Call /SMS to confirm the date/place/time.
Please give me time to reserve a seat for you.
Do not be LAST MINUTE.
I will not entertain you.
You may bring your friends or bosses or spouse.
PLEASE BE PUNCTUAL, Thank you!!
Mobile : 6-016-9795515
Love Camelia
Malaysian Chinese lady
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