10 steps to skip the eager employee stage and go right to employee disengagement

10 steps to skip the eager employee stage and go right to employee disengagement
– Guest Post Orientation for Employee Disengagement

 Recently, a company hired me into their Human Resources department. I was suddenly a new employee, a position I had not been in for nearly 5 years.
 In my positions as an HR Generalist, my role has been to organize the on-boarding process and in many cases spend the first day with the new hires.

 When I started my new position, I was interested to see how another organization went about their process. If you would like a disengaged, angry employee from Day One, follow these steps!

 1. Don’t have anyone greet the employee On my first day I arrived at the front door and called my new Director’s extension only to be met with no answer.

 waited a moment and called back to see if she was there. There was still no answer. Finally after waiting several minutes and wondering what to do, my new coworker opened the door. She was on her way to the coffee maker and happened to see me. My new boss hadn’t arrived yet. Within the first 5 minutes of employment, I felt forgotten or not worth mentioning to anyone. It would have been nice to have been expected and been greeted by someone who knew what to do with me. If you want your employee’s very first impression of their new job to be a good one, make sure someone is put in charge of greeting them, getting them in the door and making them feel like they are wanted.

 2. Be sure to leave their office or desk full of clutter, chewed pens and scribble notes After my new coworker let me in the building, she showed me to my new office. Much to my dismay, the desk was covered in paper, files, old mail and general clutter.

 Not to mention the piles of filing, binders and boxes that were stacked in all corners of the room. I was horrified! They hadn’t even bothered to make my desk look like the old occupant had left. Later on in the day I went through its contents and discovered that the desk drawers were filled with old soy sauce packets, chewed pens, sticky notes with hairdresser appointments on them and old notebooks. Taking the time to make a person’s new desk space look clean and feel new goes a long way to making a new employee feel like they matter and are starting fresh. (Side note from Pam: Go beyond cleaning their desk – make sure their name plate is ready – maybe even surprise them with a card welcoming them to your team!)

 3. Tell them how quickly they can be terminated

The VP of Operations stopped by my office on my first day and commented on the last full time employee that had been in my position. I was told that the last HR person didn’t do things his way, “and you either do things his way or, well, you don’t work here anymore”. Needless to say, I am aware of how easily it is to terminate someone in his or her probationary period, but making a point of saying it on my first day was astonishing to me. I had been forgotten, I was now in an office covered in someone else’s clutter and I was just given a thinly veiled warning about how I had better tow the VP’s line or risk losing my job. It was barely 2pm in the afternoon and I was shocked, disgusted and wondering how I could have ended up here. All employees, particularly those not in their first job, are well aware of probationary periods. Employees are also generally eager to learn and do a good job when they first start with a company. Positively reinforcing how excited you are to have someone join your team and giving them positive messages of how you wish for tasks to be done is the best way to keep someone interested and excited to be there.

 4. Do not give them a new hire package or tell them about the policies and procedures of the company

I was told that because I would eventually be assembling the new hire packages, I might as well start on my first day. So I was not given a proper new hire package. Rather I was given a few forms and shown the drawer to pull all the information from. Once again, I felt like an inconvenience and a bother to my new Director.

 I was also unsure of what I needed to have for my new hire package. I didn’t know if I had completed the proper forms or who to return them to. And I didn’t learn what goes in a package, so my first time assembling the package for another employee required help. I was also not given any policies or told where to find them. As a result, after a few months in, I am still learning about where to direct employees. If you do not have a formal new hire package for employees, it’s worth investing in. And if you are going to invest in it, hand it out. Even to the person that will be in charge. Not only are you sure that your new employee has all the required forms, you’re also certain that you’ve given them some knowledge about the company they will be working for.

 5. Share with your new hire how poor the performance of the last person was – repeatedly for best resultsMy predecessor left a bad taste in my Director’s mouth. Whether the reputation was earned or not, my boss did not like him. And she told me so several times a day. There were comments such as “I never could get Mr. X to do this” or “Mr. X just couldn’t seem to get past step 1”.

 Not only was it rude and unprofessional, but it made me wonder what she would say about me. I felt uncomfortable and never knew what to respond to those comments with. If your former employee was terminated or quit on poor terms, don’t share that and your opinions with your new hire. The new employee will hear things from the rumour mill in due time, but as their manager, you should refrain from making comments.

 t reflects poorly on you to be running down a former employee. Instead, refer to the employee in neutral terms, such as “Mr. X left the filing in that drawer over there.” The new employee will figure out that if there was a 3 foot stack of papers to be filed that the last employee didn’t do a good job. They don’t need to be told.

 6. Advise them that they are not to have friends at the company or to talk with people when getting a cup of coffee or in the bathroom photo credit: dyobmit, flickr creative commons I was told on my second day of work, “As we are HR people, we do not have friends here.”

 The implication was that I was to not make friends with anyone. And I was told I was allowed 2 minutes to go to the bathroom and get a cup of coffee. No chatting. As someone who listed relationship building and being outgoing as strengths, this seemed a bit odd. HR Professionals do have to be careful when making friends at work because of confidentiality. But to be told no chatting or socializing, particularly when I listed being an outgoing personality as a strength, felt very strange. Certainly if someone is abusing their time and hiding in washrooms or spending hours by the coffee pot and not completing their job, then they need to be told what is and is not appropriate. (Side note from Pam: There can be great value in the “water cooler” chatter where sharing and collaborating often takes place at an informal level. It is certainly difficult at times for HR practitioners to be friends with co-workers – but being friendly is another story.)

 7. Do not call them by name; refer to them as a position or location I started to notice over the course of my first full week that my new boss didn’t call me by name.

 Instead she referred to me as “That Desk”. As in, “That Desk is responsible for benefit inquiries” or “Completing this paperwork belongs to That Desk.” I started to listen carefully and realized that she never said that something was my task or responsibility; she referred to me as That Desk. I was not only offended, but also hurt by her inability to use my name and to give the task to me. I was stripped of my identity. I was also clearly shown that I had to have been one of many to do this job. 

My boss was no longer referring to us by name, but rather as That Desk because she had had so many of us sitting in it. Ensure that your new employee is made to feel like they are part of the department and/or team. Include them in meetings, decisions and when handing them a task, be sure to give it to them. Make it personal and give them the responsibility, not the position.

 When an employee feels like they are part of the group and they matter, they are much more likely to work hard and complete the tasks assigned.

 8. Do not tell them how to do their job when they ask, instead direct them to the out dated procedure binderI realized very quickly that my boss didn’t really know how to do my entire job, which I didn’t necessarily expect. But I also didn’t expect that when I would ask how to do something, she would direct me to a giant binder filled with notes.

 I came to learn by some of the dates in the book that the procedure notes were 5 or more years old and didn’t apply in many cases. It seemed easier for me to figure out the tasks on my own after awhile. Instead of being directed to a binder that she clearly hadn’t looked at, my boss should have helped me sort through the procedure, showing me in the binder the steps but also walking me through the steps or pointing me to a person that knew how to do it, correctly.

 I don’t expect my boss to know my entire job, but it was clear early on that she didn’t even know that the binder was out dated.

 9. Make sure to impose confusing and contradictory rules

One rule that was made clear early on was that I was to take my lunch from 12pm to 1pm and if I needed to change for a day, I needed to ask permission.

 If I were late leaving for lunch, I was still to be back at 1pm. I was also told that I was not to be a clock-watcher. What I could not understand was how I could take my lunch at 12pm and not watch the clock. Since I couldn’t shift my lunch, if I needed the full hour to run errands, I had to watch the clock in order to leave on time. As a manager, if you’re going to set forth rules, ensure that they make sense. Giving contradictory or confusing directives leads to frustration and confusion.

 Ask for others’ feedback before declaring a rule to be in force. Also ask if it passes the reasonableness test. (Side note from Pam: Really? Lunch must be taken from 12-1 in an office environment? Is it 1970? In this day and age when flexibility is so important to people of all generations, this is astonishing.)

 10. Be sure to be unapproachable and standoffish when answering questionsIn my offer letter we had agreed that I could have a certain amount of paid vacation and unpaid vacation and that I was not required to complete my probationary period before taking it.

 When I finally got up the courage to go and ask my boss for the time off, she responded with “yes, but since you have not earned the time, if you leave before the end of the year, we’ll take it off your final pay.” Since I read my offer letter and am aware of standard practice when dealing with vacation pay, this wasn’t news. But I felt very taken aback at being told this. I have since never gone and asked her for time off again, I have emailed her. I also will continue to email her these request because approaching her often leads to feeling uncomfortable and unsure of what to do or say. When your employees approach you with a question, try to be open and willing to answer. You may not like the question, but by giving terse, uncomfortable or snide answers, you are encouraging your employee to stay away.

 Employees who don’t feel like they can ask questions may make mistakes, guess at answers and are likely afraid or uncomfortable. Instead, be open, share with the employee, encourage them to help answer the questions or find ways to phrase something negative in a less threatening way. Needless to say, my experience with this company has not been pleasant and while I don’t mind my job, I do not like my boss. And as is the case with so many job seekers, when I leave this company, I will be quitting my boss, not the position.

 http://www.pamross.ca/2012/08/07/10-steps-to-skip-the-eager-employee-stage-and-go-right-to-employee-disengagement-guest-post/

Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lessons

Lesson number one

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson number two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree - he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson number three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”

The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story: You don’t need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

My presentation to my BOSS

MY Performance Appraisal T-Shirts

MY Performance Appraisal T-Shirts

Rules For Managers

Rules For Managers
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

The Ten Commandments Of Employment

The Ten Commandments Of Employment

If it rings, put it on hold.

If it clunks, call the repairman.

If it whistles, ignore it.

If it's a friend, stop work and chat.

If it's the boss, look busy.

If it talks, take notes.

If it's handwritten, type it.

if it's typed, copy it.

If it's copied, file it.

If it's Friday, forget it!

Four Management Lessons

Four Management Lessons
by Shovna



* Lesson Number One *

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


* Lesson Number Two *

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


* Lesson Number Three *

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the sh*t!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!


* Lesson Number Four *

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons Summary:

1. Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. When you're in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut!

http://www.fropki.com/four-management-lessons-vt37303.html